Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Killing What We Love To Appease Our Needs

13+ years I tried to get this point across to P in the literal sense and such, yet each time he would ignore my desire and my reasoning, and get me flowers. He did this knowing that I could not appreciate them, and that I did not desire to watch something die as a sign of affection. And do you know what his excuse was for cheating? Valentines Day. He said that I ruined it every year and this time it just flipped a switch. The funny thing is that every year I would get all 3 of them things that either they desired or would appreciate for V-Day, yet I always got the one thing I voiced that I didn't want... and I was the one sabotaging???? 
It seems P's mindset is NOT rare or at least in my experience as I have now dated two more men who end up taking the masks off and being P all over again... I am so broken. Whatever beacon I have in me that attracts these types needs to be reprogrammed or destroyed. ASAP. Anyway, I love this post and I love the meaning behind it. We try too hard to destroy and/or manipulate the very things we find the most beautiful or sacred. And if it won't stay the way we have tried to shape it... then we try to kill it instead. Sad. And this is why I am cutting D out of my life. He does not see any beauty in me, only flaws that aren't mine but are from the wounds of his past and he expects me to take all the shit and change who I am to fix what he believes they did to him... exactly like P and J. They hate women. They hate women because they won't go back and deal with the wounds left by them, and they all expect any new women in their life to pay for it. Any woman worth her weight would say fuck off, and that is what I am doing. Saying, FUCK OFF. I am a perfectly beautiful person and I don't need to change me to appease your wounds. That is something you have to deal with INSIDE OF YOU, not me. Until they face this they will never have any love worth a damn. Only sad, submissive women who are as fucked up as they are. And these men will bitch and complain about that until they die... it's a vicious cycle of blame. It's ugly and it is weak. Pathetic as well. Period. End of story.

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