THE CRIBS - "Be Safe"

THE CRIBS - "Be Safe"

One of those fucking awful black days
When nothing is pleasing and everything that happens
Is an excuse for anger
An outlet for emotions stockpiled, an arsenal, an armour

These are the days when I hate the world
Hate the rich, hate the happy
Hate the complacent, the TV watchers
Beer drinkers, the satisfied ones

Because I know I can be all of those little hateful things
And then I hate myself for realizing that
There's no preventative, directive or safe approach for living
We each know our own fate

We know from our youth how to be treated
How we'll be received, how we shall end
These things don't change

You can change your clothes
Change your hairstyle, your friends, cities, continents
But sooner or later your own self will always catch up
Always it waits in the wings

Ideas swirl but don't stick
They appear but then run off like rain on the windshield

One of those rainy day car rides, my head implodes
The atmosphere in this car, a mirror of my skull
Wet, damp, windows dripping and misted with cold
Walls of grey, nothing good on the radio, not a thought in my head

I know a place we can go where you'll fall in love so hard that
You'll wish you were dead

Let's take life and slow it down incredibly slow
Frame by frame
With two minutes that take ten years to live out
Yeah, let's do that

Telephone poles like praying mantis against the sky
Metal arms outstretched
So much land travelled, so little sense made of it
It doesn't mean a thing, all this land laid out behind us

I'd like to take off into these woods and get good and lost for a while
I'm disgusted with petty concerns
Parking tickets, breakfast specials
Does someone just have to carry this weight?

Abstract typography, methane covenant
Linear gospel, Nashville sales lady, stocky emissary
Torturous lice, mad Elizabeth
Chemotherapy bullshit

I know a place we can go where you'll fall in love so hard that
You'll wish you were dead

The light within you shines like a diamond mine
Like an unarmed walrus, like a dead man face down on the highway
Like a snake eating its own tail
A steam turbine, frog pond

Two full closets burst open in disarray, soap bubbles in the sun
Hospital death bed, red convertible, shopping list, blowjob
Deaths head, devils dancing, bleached white buildings, memory
Movements, the movie unpeeling, unreeling, about to begin

I know a place we can go where you'll fall in love so hard that
You'll wish you were dead

I've seen your hallway, you're a darn call away
I've hear your stairs creak, I can fix my mind on your yes
And your no, I'll film your face today in the sparkling canals
All red, yellow, blue, green brilliance and silver Dutch reflection

Racing thoughts, racing thoughts, all too real
You're moving so fast now, I can't hold your image
This image I have of your face by the window
Me standing beside you, arm on your shoulder
A catalogue of images, flashing glimpses, then gone again

I'm tethered to this post you've sunk in me
And every clear afternoon now I'll think of you, up in the air
Twisting your heel, your knees up around me, my face in your hair
You scream so well, your smile so loud, it still rings in my ears

I know a place we can go where you'll fall in love so hard that
You'll wish you were dead

Inhibition, distant, tired of longing
Clean my teeth, stay the course
Hold the wheel, steer on to freedom
Open all the boxes, open all the boxes
Open all the boxes, open all the boxes

Times Square midday, newspaper buildings, news headlines going around
You watch as they go and hope for some good ones
Those tree shadows in the park they're all whispering, chasing leaves

Around six PM, shadows across the cobblestones
Girl in front of bathroom mirror
As she slowly and carefully and paints her face green, mask-like
Like Matisse, "Portrait with Green Stripe"

Long shot through apartment window
A monologue on top but no girl in shot

The light within me shines like a diamond mine
Like an unarmed walrus, like a dead man face down on the highway
Like a snake eating its own tail
A steam turbine, frog pond

Two full closets burst open in disarray, soap bubbles in the sun
Hospital death bed, red convertible, shopping list, blowjob
Deaths head, devils dancing, bleached white buildings, memory
Movements, the movie unreeling, about to begin

That was great by me
Yeah? Mine were alright. Wasn't my best one but who cares?
That's the spirit

Strong is the New Pretty. {36 Powerful Images Celebrating what it is to Be a Girl}

Strong is the New Pretty. {36 Powerful Images Celebrating what it is to Be a Girl}

This article caught my eye because, well Evil Knievel and drums were my toys of choice and also my very strong Baby Girl was a tomboy before she suddenly became feminine (mixed with her tomboy!) but then I clicked to read the whole thing and I saw this: Janne Robinson Via Janne Robinson on Apr 13, 2015- Which is odd since my birth name is Jean Robinson and my birthday is April 13...
... and if you read her description at the end you might see a lot of me as well (if I was half my age and hadn't started a family at 20): Janne Robinson is a poet, writer, bushwalker, idealist and animal activist currently residing in Vancouver Island. She cuts kindling with her teeth, eats Bukowski for breakfast and makes the habit of saying the word feminist as much as possible. She surfs naked, pees in the woods, and loves whiskeys that swing their hips when they walk and know what they are doing. >>>>Janne's life-work is to be transparent. She makes a living off hanging her dirty and clean laundry out for the world to see. Her mission is to give others permission to also walk and exist with the same transparency.
The Bukowski reference was the kicker for me... I call this kind of shit synchronicity. My life is filled to the brim with odd connections that are incredibly easy to find; little to no digging needed. Sometimes it is my only affirmation to stay here and breathe longer. The strikingly obvious bread crumbs on this path that make no sense to me and seem so cruel most of the time.But that fucking red line on the map I see when I look back is still there leading me to gawd knows where...

YOU ARE WORTHY

To my kids and to everyone else who has ever been told or it has been implied, that they are 'less than' capable of achieving a dream or deep desire. Only people who fear failure will put such worthless shit upon the shoulders of a warrior preparing to go to war in this ruthless world. Particularly, a person who is on a path leading to ones dream becoming reality (no matter the length of that dream). Failure is nothing more than proof that one has the balls to practice what they 

preach and the internal strength to get up and move on with their head held high (and lessons learned duly-noted as well). It also shows internal integrity, because what anyone externally thinks of us (beyond our children and for some, their family/mates) should never alter our path if it is a deep guttural journey we are pursuing. 

I let someone else's words echo so loudly in my head that I made decisions I would have never had made otherwise (in past action patterns at least). From there, I let my pride and my Aries drive to conquer what I perceived as a defect in me based on this one persons words that would not loosen their hold on me become it's own force. That my friends is how the Paul fiasco managed to go on for 14 years not counting the year and half I lived there after the fact.
NEVER AGAIN. EVER.
E
V
E
R
So, listen to what you are saying to one another and be present when saying it AND if what someone is saying to you feels like they are stabbing you to death then they probably are in a manner of speaking. Would you stand there and let someone stab you in reality without fighting back? Probably not. Fight, bite, spit and run if you must but do not let anyone kill your dreams or damage your soul willingly.

Miserable Immoral NonBelievers

At least we keep good company. 

For me it is believing in me and others, laughter and sincerity, empathy and logic. More than anything else though, it is refusing to accept to be a sheep and to base all my rights, choices, emotions, reactions, wants and needs on anything outside of me and my truths. I'm a good enough person to fully trust myself to make these decisions and expend my energies on what I believe to be right and worthy. I don't need anyone 'above me' in any form, be it celestial or hierarchical, class or educational, age or gender to lead me. I'll look for the wisdom around me and inside me to choose. I will continue to observe and compare and weigh and dissect and repair, rebuild and tear down again until I feel the depth of truth has been hit... and then I will continue to observe, just in case. 

People are difficult and unique enough to keep an observer busy for many lifetimes. Why we create so much outer conflict and chaos is beyond me. There is so much to occupy us if we just watch and listen.

Yadda yadda... coffee and Adderall have not quite hit yet. It all makes sense to me though and that is what matters.

The Suicide Theory Official Trailer (2014) - Nicholas G. Cooper Thriller...

Five star movie in my opinion and that was having already figured out most of the story line. It's rare I still like a movie this much if I know the twists (or think I do). I don't know why it is rated a thriller though. I found it to feel more like an independent psychological movie but what do I know?

Oh yeah, and it is streaming on Netflix if you feel like checking it out!

“I have wanted to kill myself a hundred times, but somehow I am still in love with life. This ridiculous weakness is perhaps one of our more stupid melancholy propensities, for is there anything more stupid than to be eager to go on carrying a burden which one would gladly throw away, to loathe one’s very being and yet to hold it fast, to fondle the snake that devours us until it has eaten our hearts away?” 
― Voltaire, Candide: or, Optimism

Gilbert O'Sullivan - Alone Again (original version)

I had no idea this song was about the things it expresses. How many decades has this played in elevators, casinos, sad hole-in-the-wall bars, airports and on and on???? 

Life is disappointing. People are disappointing. Naturally.

Alone Again (naturally) Lyrics

"Alone Again (naturally)" was written by O'sullivan, Gilbert.

In a little while from now

If I'm not feeling any less sour

I promised myself to treat myself

And visit a nearby tower

And climbing to the top

Will throw myself off

In an effort to make it clear to who

Ever what it's like when you're shattered

Left standing in the lurch, at a church

Where people are saying

My God that's tough, she stood him up

No point in us remaining

May as well go home

As I did on my own

Alone again, naturally

To think that only yesterday

I was cheerful, bright and gay

Looking forward to, but who wouldn't do

The role I was about to play

But as if to knock me down

Reality came around

And without so much as a mere touch

Cut me into little pieces

Leaving me to doubt

Talk about God and His mercy

For if He really does exist

Why did He desert me

In my hour of need?

I truly am indeed

Alone again, naturally

It seems to me that

There are more hearts

Broken in the world

That can't be mended

Left unattended

What do we do? What do we do?

Alone again naturally

Now looking back over the years

And what ever else that appears

I remember I cried when my father died

Never wishing to hide the tears

And at sixty five years old

My mother, God rest her soul

Couldn't understand, why the only man

She had ever loved had been taken

Leaving her to start with a heart

So badly broken

Despite encouragement from me

No words were ever spoken

And when she passed away

I cried and cried all day

Alone again, naturally

Alone again, naturally

Songwriters

O'Sullivan, Gilbert

Published by

Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Read more: Gilbert Osullivan - Alone Again (naturally) Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

Anne Lamott on Her Wisdom. What I don't agree with, I respect.

I am going to be 61 years old in 48 hours. Wow. I thought i was only forty-seven, but looking over the paperwork, I...
Posted by Anne Lamott on Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Bukowsky never lets me down:

Bukowsky never lets me down:

Cause And Effect

the best often die by their own hand
just to get away,
and those left behind
can never quite understand
why anybody
would ever want to
get away
from
them.


Be Kind

we are always asked
to understand the other person's
viewpoint
no matter how
out-dated
foolish or
obnoxious.

one is asked
to view
their total error
their life-waste
with
kindliness,
especially if they are
aged.

but age is the total of
our doing.
they have aged
badly
because they have
lived
out of focus,
they have refused to
see.

not their fault?

whose fault?
mine?

I am asked to hide
my viewpoint
from them
for fear of their
fear.

age is no crime

but the shame
of a deliberately
wasted
life

among so many
deliberately
wasted
lives

is.

Charles Bukowski

Didion

I suppose almost everyone who writes is afflicted some of the time by the suspicion that nobody out there is listening ~Joan Didion

A Room in Hell; Well Chosen Words.

On the Rare Better Days...

"Last Hope"- PARAMORE

I don't even know myself at all
I thought I would be happy by now
The more I try to push it
I realize – gotta let go of control

Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
So let it happen

It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
And when it's dark out, no one's around
It keeps glowing

Every night I try my best to dream
Tomorrow makes it better
Then I wake up to the cold reality
And not a thing is changed

But it will happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen

It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
And when it's dark out, no one's around
It keeps glowing

It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
And when it's dark out, no one's around
It keeps glowing

And the salt in my wounds isn't burning anymore than it used to
It's not that I don't feel the pain, it's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore
And the blood in these veins isn't pumping any less than it ever has
And that's the hope I have, the only thing I know that's keeping me alive

Alive

Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen

Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen

It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
(So if I let go of control now, I can be strong)
And when it's dark out, no one's around
It keeps glowing

It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
(So if I keep my eyes closed, with the blind hope)
And when it's dark out, no one's around
It keeps glowing

Ahhh
Ahhh
Ahhh
Ahhh

Ohhh
Ohhh

I've Been Looking For This my Entire Life

The Opposite of Loneliness

I have only found it momentarily in the family I created and then lost. And now I find myself again searching for the opposite of loneliness....

Killswitch Engage - In Due Time [OFFICIAL VIDEO] (With lyrics)

"In Due Time"



Pacing aimlessly,

With my mind in unrest

Unsure of what may come.

What have I done to bring this down on me? 

Helpless to make this undone



All in due time, see the world through different eyes.

All in due time, the shadows will give way to light.



How much more can I give of myself,

as these walls close in on me? 

As I slip down into this despair

(into this despair),

There is nothing to attain



What victory

(what victory)

When my soul is weak,

(is weak)

where does my help come from? 



All in due time, see the world through different eyes.

I see the world through different eyes.

All in due time, shadows will give way, give way to light.



All that we suffer through leads to determination.

The trials we all go through gives us the strength to carry on.

Something within us burns, desire feeds the will to live. 

A reason to believe I will see redemption.



All in due time, see the world through different eyes

I see the world through different eyes

All in due time, the shadows will give way to light.

All in due time.

Generation Gap

I believe that these quotes might explain the gap between my generation and my mothers. One generation believes that the more you physically do, and the bigger the strain on the body, the more worthy a person you are. The other understands that no matter how many boulders you drag around, or how pleasing to the eye you manage to make them that you will not manifest the money to pay your bills or mend the emotional damage you have caused. That your sins are not abolished because you make your body ache or your fingers bleed. On the other-hand, being frozen in fear, racking my brain for answers or solutions while being terrified of actually making any move at all, isn't fixing anything either. The idea of being exposed to another hit or another deceitful broken person or being at the mercy of anything/anyone else makes my heart race and everything else turn to ice.

I found this quote here:
http://www.andreabalt.com/5-causes-for-creative-block/

And In The End....

Sometimes Broken.

You Have To Die... Oh Bukowski... How I Love Thee....

I MISS LOVE. GOOD, HEALTHY, CRAZY LOVE...

"Life, art and emotion are inherently messy. This acceptance of messiness has been my turning point. I now embrace that I have a messy soul, mind and heart. They are filled with joy, and filled with defeat. They bounce between success and failure, tears of happiness and tears of sadness, earth-shaking love and underworld-shivering loneliness. Containing multitudes means not just embracing different facets of the good; it also means accepting the faults and failures. The reason I could not do this before? I could not sit calmly in the mess. I never understood that beauty develops precisely because of, not despite, the fractures we experience...

Among other changes, I want to (re)discover a feeling of fearless love, toward life and toward myself and toward the passion and willingness to be vulnerable and caring that have led to the best things in my life. Somewhere along the line, fear sneaked in, snatched that away, and sabotaged the good. I want it back."

~ Patrick Linder

Pablo Neruda

“I love you without knowing how or when or from where. 
I love you straightfowardly, without complexities or pride: 
So I love you because I know no other way than this: 
Where I do not exist nor you, 
So close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
So close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.”

Pablo Neruda

Find It.

ALWAYS!!!