And That FB Friend is on A Fucking Roll at Pissing Me Off.

My previous post was about this 'FB friend' and his obsession with what I call self-help guru gods or in other words, The Blind leading the sheep as far as their pockets are deep. OK, that was a stupid line but minimal brain function at the  moment and too much pain as well. Plus, I wasn't signed on to the interwebs for more than 2 minutes before I was forced to write the reply that this post is actually about but my A.D.D. brain has once again driven me off course a bit. (Big breath)
So, I told my mom I am moving out. I sent the email like 4 days ago. She read it last night. In true form she has gone into illogical land and decided to be shocked and hurt rather than elated as she has been drilling into me her deep desire for me to (and I quote) 'get the fuck out of her house so she can have her fucking life back and her friends will stop avoiding her and she can enjoy her life that she hates now BECAUSE OF ME.' Unquote, although a mash-up of quotes it is... So before bed I posted this on my FB page and then took a Xanax so I wouldn't lose my shit:

MY POST: I give my mom exactly what she wants and she has the audacity to be 'hurt and shocked'????? WTF?? A true narcissist (narcopath) in action my friends. No way to win. No way to satisfy them. Always being victimized even by the people they control. It's almost comical. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK! Breathe...
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FRIEND likes this.

REPLIES:

PERSON TRYING TO PUSH ME>>
Your mother is "hurt and shocked" over a gift ?
Like · Reply · 10 hrs <<< MY QUESTION HERE IS WHY ARE THEY COMMENTING ON SOMETHING THEY OBVIOUSLY DON'T GRASP? WHY NOT ASK TO CLARIFY? WHY THEN GO ON TO COMMENT AGAIN??????????????????  WHY?!!!!! THEY ASKED FOR IT...

FRIEND She's always seemed happier with an audience.
Like · Reply · 1 · 7 hrs

FRIEND You can't please everybody, now is the time for you to think of yourself.
Like · Reply · 1 · 6 hrs

PERSON TRYING TO PUSH ME>>> 
It may end up better for your own peace, to forgive your mother. If she has narcissistic tendencies, she may be unaware of it. Your parents can die at any moment.
Like · Reply · 6 hrs · Edited  <<<<<<The Comment that pushed me over the edge this morning AND THE EXACT REASON WHY I choose to be an introverted fucking recluse (not now as now is forced but I'll be good with like 1-5 friends. If that. Fuck this shit)

THIS IS ME REPLYING>>> 
The 'gift' is that I am moving. I am giving her exactly what she has been drilling into me almost 24/7 as her deepest desire for the past 2 years. And PLEASE, please, stop giving me advice. I haven't known you long enough to have the patience to hear it and I don't do the 'guru doctor' this says, or 'they say to yadda yadda' thing. 
My life. 
My experience and not the easily categorized and labeled life either. 
So again, as I asked you before; no almost begged you, STOP IT. Everyone dies btw (thanks for the attempt to guilt me into accepting the unacceptable). No one should hold more value where that statement is concerned as everyone has some value to someone somewhere but that is no excuse to accept abuse. NO EXCUSE. And if that is what you tell yourself and others then you are accepting your self worth as less than... and that is all you. Not someone else using and abusing you. Parents and relatives ARE NOT specially licensed to abuse. They get no special 'get out of jail' cards giving them free reign to do so without repercussions. The only person that can do that is you. Anyway, I didn't plan on going to sleep to her shit and waking-up to the guilt fest of eminent death but thanks for the wake-up call.

This reply I did post.

The previous reply (on my previous blog post) I never posted on FB because I was attempting to be a kind and empathetic person who would try to 'let it go' a bit but people are like a manufacturing line of the exact same product. They are so god damn predictable that I just want to scream and break things until I accidently cut an artery and bleed the fuck out. Sweet relief. I can count on one hand the number of people with unique minds that interest me that I know. My kids are two of them. That's 40% of the people. 
I have a week and then I can leave here. I'm elated and freaked out and totally losing my shit trying to sit in this fucking room and wait and now I get to dread my mothers eventual explosion too. Well, at least that will make the staring at the walls and tv a bit more enticing. I need coffee... later people. Or person. Or dead air and crickets. 

Ka is a wheel

“Ka is a wheel; its one purpose is to turn. The spin of ka always brings us back to the same place, to face and reface our mistakes and defeats until we can learn from them. When we learn from the past, the wheel continues to move forward, towards growth and evolution. When we don’t, the wheel spins backward, and we are given another chance. If once more we squander the opportunity, the wheel continues its rotation towards devolution, or destruction.” -Stephen King

I'm making Ka beads with my freebies!

 Evil Eye beads next! 

Art Therapy Continues

This one is still wet so that is why the black looks so uneven.

This is the just finished one, and one still in progress. 

Both are wet, although the colored one is the most recent worked on of the two. I'm beginning to get the hang of using color, but I still can't let my black and white obsession go! 

I Have Forgotten

I can not remember what it feels like to be loved
or to love actively.
I don't remember what comfort is anymore.
Or how it feels to laugh.
I feel darkness and pain.
I feel despair
and sometimes I am lucky and I just feel numb.
Those are good moments.
I'm cutting too deep now, which might save me from this hole if I am lucky.
Sooner rather than later I hope.
I just want to sleep until it is over.
And if I could go back to any shitty place in my past then I would go.
No taking a moment to contemplate the decision either.
Everything was better than this dead end and the way it just goes on and on...

An Open Letter to, “The Survivors.”

An Open Letter to, “The Survivors.”

Don’t be a dick.

Don’t become a hypocrite.

Don’t forget how lost and desperate and dark you once were.

Don’t spread bullshit to the ones who continue to search for their tunnel end.

Don’t be THAT person.

Don’t suddenly decide that you will be a walking, talking, typing, billboard for Pinterest type meme/ posts on survival and a positive attitude. If you were still at all aware of what you had come out of you would not be devaluing other peoples pleas for guidance, advice or options to investigate. You would not have forgotten how painful it was to have people judge your pain, or trivialize your struggle into a few words that essentially equate to, ‘buck it up’ and ‘think positive’ and it will all be peachy in the morning.

You should not be patronizing.

You should be honest in the reality of your survival. You should not deny that you would not be where you are had it not been for someone or many people who took notice or extended a hand.

You should be capable of remembering when it felt like there was no one or, in fact, when there really was no one, and how lonely and bleak it all felt.

You shall not forget that where you are right now is an accumulation of help from others, hard work and dumb luck (or good timing). It could have just as easily been someone else reaping the rewards you are now receiving and you could still be wishing for an end to it all while planning the details of your eminent death.

You have been blessed.

Do not be a prick and piss all over that miracle.

Respect that just because your misery has ended or lessened or that you have FINALLY turned a corner, most others are still crawling on the ground on bloodied knee hoping, praying, pleading for what you now have.

Some people would say that when you were at your darkest point you were also in a place they would have called a blessing compared to their current journey. Remember that.

Someone somewhere is always in a more dreadful situation. This is not a reason or right to devalue another’s struggle though. This is perspective. This is a reason to be particularly thankful for the positive changes you have experienced.

Appreciate your new circumstances, because sometimes just the change or newness is a miracle in itself.

Not everyone will have friends, family, mates, a social network, or a supportive community surrounding them, helping them through the darkness.

Moreover, hope that the universe does not decide that you must be humbled and kicks you back to the place you escaped. Lead by example and do not piss on your good fortune.

Oh yes, and finally yet importantly, your survival does not make you superior in any way whatsoever. You are not suddenly smarter or worthy of looking down on anyone.

Be humble.

Be kind.

Be aware.

Be thoughtful in your words and actions.

And try not to be an asshole.

Sometimes I See Things in My Dreams. Sometimes They Come True. The Answer to Life Via My Dreams.

 The internal structure of existence.

Every new possibility we discover brings us closer to the end (as a whole universe). Every new tear in the fabric of life weakens our base, our humanity, our existence and our time. I saw a drawing of this as well. A visual to help me understand. I wish I could recreate it and post it as well but I don't have any of those cool tools on my laptop.

If we stopped digging, searching so hard; if we savored more we could slow it down. We could prolong existence by focusing more on enjoying and ‘living in it,’ being present rather than ‘possibilities.’ Once the last new possibility has been thought, it will all go black. It will all cease. Existence will end.

To ask who, what, why, is the road to insanity, as there can be no answer to existence, no end and no answer. It is all a circle. A connected, ‘it,’ a vicious cycle, that there is no end to, ever. That is, unless we hit ‘black,’ which is the last new possibility being thought.

Every new thought (new as in never before thought by anyone), every new answer brings another thought or new possibility and new problems to solve or reasons why something else will or will not work. It is a cycle that there can be no end to until there is nothing new to consider.

Everything we do alters the structure of the integrity of humankind, of the universe. This includes the pursuit of ‘progress’ and personal growth to the degree that we are never satisfied with what is right there waiting to be acknowledged, appreciated, loved and fully seen,  perfect in imperfection.

Our connection to everything makes life’s answer simple.

Internal not external.

Personal connections, not impersonal ones.

Focus on what lives and breathes, not what is dead and gone or never was.

Sharing.

Helping.

Accepting.

Knowing what you can and cannot live with and letting go of the cannot’s without anger or animosity.

Accepting the cans without the expectation that they might not one day become cannots.

Oh, and I die in a car by being rear-ended. I am a passenger. Our vehicle is not moving on impact.

The rest is personal. J

Generation Gap

I believe that these quotes might explain the gap between my generation and my mothers. One generation believes that the more you physically do, and the bigger the strain on the body, the more worthy a person you are. The other understands that no matter how many boulders you drag around, or how pleasing to the eye you manage to make them that you will not manifest the money to pay your bills or mend the emotional damage you have caused. That your sins are not abolished because you make your body ache or your fingers bleed. On the other-hand, being frozen in fear, racking my brain for answers or solutions while being terrified of actually making any move at all, isn't fixing anything either. The idea of being exposed to another hit or another deceitful broken person or being at the mercy of anything/anyone else makes my heart race and everything else turn to ice.

I found this quote here:
http://www.andreabalt.com/5-causes-for-creative-block/

I Am Not Alone! Maybe I'm Not Crazy?

5-reasons-not-to-trust-anyone EVER

Gratitude To Those That Deserve A Shout Out!!

I haven't had much in the way of gratitude lately. It has been a really tough and painful 2 years and the last few months have seriously made me question the point of continuing. Seriously. And although I am still in the middle of this friggin' shitstorm, there have been a few moments of kindness that I really feel the need to express thanks for to a few people. This may seem crass to add but these are the people who helped me financially. Emotionally, the list is much longer and much more intense... You guys are not forgotten!

This is in no particular order as the acts of kindness are all equally beautiful and will forever mark some of my scars with beautiful bits of beauty...

To my daughters high school friend and one of my pseudo children, Sara. I love you. I am so proud of you. You have grown up to be and do amazing things and I know how hard you worked to get where you are. You made a great impression on my daughter as well, and that positive example helped to drive her in the right direction educationally, so again, thank you and I love you!

To Phil, my first love 30 years ago. Thank you for being there and doing what you could to help me get through all this crap. I know you and your lovely wife are struggling as well and your help was unexpected and appreciated beyond words. You have come really far since the troubled young man of our youth and even though you are going through a rebellion of middle age, and maybe gettin' a little crazy, I have faith you will not take the same turns of long ago. Your heart is big and I am thankful for knowing you all these years! You rock the middle age mid-life crisis Kid!! I love you! Give that wife BIG HUGS from me!

Christina. You big dork! Even though you sent me va jay jay shots of your piercing, which were a bit on the WHAT! side, you know I love you Woman! I know you are struggling with your health and that you are fighting like crazy to be the best damn superwoman you can be, and succeeding at it as well! You are inspirational, if not a bit irritating with all your perfect love posts, which let's face it, make anti-love people like me a bit ill, you know we are all hella jealous! I know I am! Thank you for your kindness and words of inspiration. I know I don't always appreciate it because on many days the last thing I want is inspiration shit, in the end I know it is all with love that you are expressing it, so thank you for not ditching this bitch when she can't see through the fog. XOXO

And to my OKC friend, who's name I won't mention here because I don't know you or your situation well enough to want to risk outing you, you know who you are... THANK YOU. Your kind act will stay with the others listed, here in my heart, and mark my soul with gratitude for all my days. And as I said above, even when my expression of gratitude sucks, it is there. I am just not made of the stuff that makes expressing it in the online world very poetic. I'm great in person but online is a real struggle. I am made of the old things of showing through physical expression like smiles and hugs and laughter. I hope you understand that and know how thankful I am for your kindness to me. I wish you all the luck in the world finding your true love as well!

And Mikey. My best friend and brotha from anotha motha... I loves you. And I like my hat!! XOXO

Right The Fuck In The Middle: I'd Say 20/75/5

This makes perfect sense. I have ALWAYS had a creative block. 

I can write and draw but not on demand, at least not well. I have never been able to unlock the door to full creative expression though, but now I can see why. I also understand why I was so attached to D. He was probably 5/45/50. So, he was a person who showed big wise and big creative/emotion and I REALLY wanted to connect with someone who could show me the way to that place. Unfortunately, the emotionally obsessed are also incredibly lazy when it comes to any kind of personal work and growth. They think that if they have taken a step forward that they should get applause and kudos and crap for doing one thing that many others do, and often daily, without anyone even noticing much less showering them with affirmation. You have to learn to maneuver this life without affirmation. In most cases when you get it it will be from a person attempting to manipulate you, so if you can find a way to love yourself enough to know that you do work very hard (and actually do that, not spew bullshit to yourself and others that you do it when you know damn well you do NOTHING to actually grow or change or learn) at being a truly deeply good person, then you really never NEED affirmation bad enough to go crawling around for it. This is why I take such great offense when someone thinks I actually want them to tell me their judgements of my appearance and such. Did I ask you? HELL NO. Did you ever wonder why? Probably not, because that would mean looking beyond YOU and your intention revolving around the situation. I don't ask because I don't care and I don't care because everyone has an opinion much like the assholes analogy. <They all stink.> IF I ask you though, I have gifted you with the knowledge that a) I trust you enough to take the risk, and b) your opinion will matter to me. No questioning my motive for asking. No 'chick' games for attention or a reason to start a fight. Just go old plain truth. Shocking. I know. And guess what? So far, not a single solitary man has EVER, not once, seen the fucking beauty in that. They all think it is a game plan. They all accused me of lying, cheating, manipulating, etc. and then they all did exactly what they accused me of. WEAK MOTHERFUCKERS. HOW SAD IS THAT? 

My New Year Wish to You

I'm Done Giving a Shit About Old Fucked Up Men With No Heart or Souls.

You hear that? I didn't think so. Too fucking self absorbed, making bullshit excuses so you can not give anything back to the people dishing out concern, help, love, kindness, or whatever else you get from the entourage that you keep around you. Most people suck. I know this, but I have never been able to truly believe it enough to not give everyone a chance... or three... or enough chances to hurt me or even destroy me. New year, new choices. FUCK YOU. That is my new choice to anyone who doesn't treat me right from the get go. I don't give a fuck if you are wounded or broken or addicted or a victim. If you don't have it now I have to assume you never will no matter your circumstances. I don't owe a damn thing to anyone but my kids and enough people to count on one hand. So I will say it one last time ...
FUCK YOU AND FUCK OFF AND HAPPY NEW YEAR FOOL. Oh, and stop bitching about how all you want is to love and be loved. BULLSHIT. Now, shut the fuck up. 

Not Much Posting This Week

The moving has begun, so I am not posting much this week. I am embarking on finals as well, so it will be a stressful, yet exciting week of attempting to wrap my mind around school work and then packing and hauling and back to school work again, and so on.

We are moving to a VERY rural area with limited internet, so I am concerned about that but it is so beautiful and quiet there that I can't help but be excited by the prospect. The sky is A MA ZING at night. The silence is awe inspiring as well. I am so sick of the noise of this city. The screaming kids, the sirens 24/7, the cars with their bass at all hours of the day and night, and the sounds of this house. I am most happy to be leaving them. It will feel good to finally disconnect from the disfunction here, even if it ends up disfunction up there, it will be NEW and I am ready for new. I want to use the downtime from the internet to reconnect with my creative side, and meet the people of the community. I have always wanted to live in a small community where people know one another and help one another. So, we will see how I adjust. And, Palm Springs is just a lovely down hill drive away with one of the most amazing sight-seeing pull off's off the highway at night I have ever seen. Palm Springs at night is a gorgeous gold with a black backdrop and if the moon is full it is breathtaking.

So I am hoping for less emotional spewage of a negative variety since I will not have any men interfering on my life anymore and I won't have all this pent up anger at the ex and his gf either. Glory be! I will never have to hear them fuck again! Ain't life grand?!

As scared as I am I am also as excited for the opportunity for new. New anything and new everything. I am also brushing up my camping skills for the days without electricity, hot water, heat, internet and battery recharging. Gotta be prepared to survive! As long as we don't burn in one of the many fires this area is known for I think I will manage!

I have high hope but realistic expectations. Here is to a new year and a new life. New focus and new aspirations. Maybe a good man will actually fall in love with me as well? One who won't pretend but actually feel it. We will see. If not, I will manage. I just kind of miss touch and someone to share things with...

Why No One Will Ever Come Before My Kids.

Miracles happen between midnight and 6am when you're in college. You got this momma. Just remember how you've made presidents honor roll despite all your struggles and I'm over here like not getting honor roll ever. Love you to the moon and back again x1000.

Lyrics for Aaron Evans Featuring Generik- We All Work Enjoy!

"We all work, we all struggle,
we all bend our backs backward trying not to burst the bubble.
We all pray, we all hustle,
throwing set after set try'n to rep with some muscle.
We all trip, we all stumble, 

we all have to rebuild from the ashes and rubble.
So be brave, yet be humble,
and keep sight of the light at the end of the tunnel.

If every two steps forward, you take one step back,
you're still one step further, than where you were at.
See progress is a process of inches not miles,
so quickly cut your losses and remember to smile.
Believe me, I never said it'd be easy,
but every mighty oak started out as a seedling.
Searching for nourishment purpose and meaning,
breaking out of boxes accepting no ceiling.
See the worlds on your back, 

and you don't feel like atlas,
but perfection takes time,
remember to practice.
Crawl, before you walk, walk before you run,

strengthen your wings if setting course for the sun.
See you'll have to be patient,
learn not to jump the gun.
Learn the life that you've lived,
and the life that's to come.
Yeah I dream of a day we can play and have fun,
but I won't stop fighting till the battle is won.

"We all work, we all struggle,
we all bend our backs backward trying not to burst the bubble.
We all pray, we all hustle,
throwing set after set try'n to rep with some muscle.
We all trip, we all stumble,

we all have to rebuild from the ashes and rubble.
So be brave, yet be humble,
and keep sight of the light at the end of the tunnel.

We'll you tried pinching pennies, but they kept pinching back,
so your nest eggs red, when once it was black (*edit, no ones perfect.)
Plus your tuning fork broke, and a new one ain't free,
but sometimes the best songs are sung out of key.
See credit ain't accepted where moments are priceless,
but a sense of adventure, more than suffices.
Trust me, dude I've gone hungry,
sang in the rain till my tin cup was rusty.
But sometimes in life you just have to keep breathing, 

catch carpediem, look for deeper meaning.
Pick yourself up, brush off your shoulders,
focus on focus, remember the lotus.
Find Zen within, the wall crashing in,
sometimes forest burn so new life can begin.
But you'll have to be brave, and you'll have to be humble, 

but you'll get to the light at the end of the tunnel!

"We all work, we all struggle,
we all bend our backs backward trying not to burst the bubble.
We all pray, we all hustle,
throwing set after set try'n to rep with some muscle.
We all trip, we all stumble,

we all have to rebuild from the ashes and rubble.
But be brave, yet be humble,

and keep sight of the light at the end of the tunnel."

Shine on...

A.E. 

Help Me Understand

Help me understand why I should take the brunt of the damage caused by someone else? Has anyone or man ever considered that they are destroying every damn relationship with the crap from their past relating to women? Moms, sisters, grandmothers, girlfriends, ex-wives? THESE ARE THE PEOPLE YOU ARE ANGRY WITH. THESE ARE THE PEOPLE THAT HURT YOU. THESE ARE THE PEOPLE THAT YOU HAVE TO EITHER DEAL WITH, FORGIVE, OR LET GO OF. I am not a saint, but I am not going to be anyone's fucking verbal or otherwise, punching bag anymore. They have pills and therapy for that shit. And what really pisses me off is how incapable these men seem to be at seeing the wreckage they leave behind them. It is so painful to take abuse you haven't earned and then lose the people you love because they just can't see, and they don't care enough to mend anything. Not even the people they say they love get treated with any respect or dignity. To leave a person broken like that is unforgivable, yet some of us do try to forgive, because we understand the pain, we just don't understand the desire to inflict it upon others. I have experienced more inflicted pain in the past 2 years then possibly my entire life's rest all together, and I still haven't retaliated. Not because I don't want to. Not because EVERYONE isn't telling me I should, because they are. Not because I don't have a dark enough side of me to connect to, because trust me, I do, but because I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be someone that hurts others intentionally. I get no pride or enjoyment out of it. In fact, I just feel like shit about it. Then I carry that weight around with me for ages because it is ugly, selfish behavior. And I don't want to forget that. I don't want to forget how I made another person feel bad. I even feel like shit about this blog. I feel like shit for calling out the men who have pained me so and pointing out the hows of it, but you see, someone has to. Someone has to put their foot down and say that this shit is wrong and it hurts. It hurts bad. And since these are the kind of men that don't allow people to say what they need to say so they can move on and heal, then I am saying here. In the hope that maybe one day one of these men will see it and will think about it and will maybe acknowledge their damaging behavior. I know that statistically this isn't going to happen. These are men who never change according to therapists and such, but I always have that little bit of hope. And it is that hope that has been the bane of my existence. That hope that makes me keep trying to trust someone, to love someone and to be a good person. So far it has been horrifying. I am not sure if that means I should just become a bar whore and say fuck it to love or if I should just become a shut in and say fuck it to love or if I should keep on trying risking what little life I have left in me. I don't know. I don't know shit anymore. None of us do.  And that my friends, is a damn shame.

I Don't Want To Do This Anymore.

I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to waste my energy on people not invested in me as well. I don't want to wonder why I suddenly am not being interacted with after x number of days or weeks of constants and then suddenly nothing. I don't want to be with or even around anyone who feels some sick need to punish me with silence or who ignores me rather than just tears the fucking band-aid off fast and tells me wtf is going on. I have wasted more time in my life wondering wtf than I am comfortable to admit, and obviously from this blog, there isn't much I don't share or admit. So that's a lot of fucking wasted time that could have been saved with a few simple words. Backbone and balls. That's what people have lost. Say what you want or need to say and let me move the fuck on with a little respect and dignity please. Geezus. Is that really so much to ask or expect? Is it really that hard to just open your mouth or send a text or an email and just say it? Has the world really hit the lowest of lows when a text blow off is preferred? Obviously, the answer is yes.
My life is speeding by fast and I don't have time for games. Games are for children and immature adults. I have shit to deal with and this is not what I want to be doing or thinking about when there is far heavier shit to be dealt with but my brain is directly connected to my heart it seems. Maybe they can surgically do something to fix that. Maybe they can just cut the love and care part out all together and save me the misery. I am too tired both physically and emotionally to do this anymore. It's shit or get off the pot time. So what's it gonna be?

Why I Am Always Asking, "WHY?".

“…I am not ashamed to learn, and I ask and inquire, and am very grateful to those who answer me, and never fail to give them my grateful thanks….”

- Plato, Lesser Hippias

I have no shame in admitting fault or being wrong and when I ask why, it is because I truly want to understand. I do not do it for ammunition or for a way to torture myself. I ask for knowledge and the hope of understanding people in the deepest way possible. I ask so that I can step into others shoes and view things in a new way. I ask so that I can forgive or learn or move on or expand my ability to comprehend and empathize. This is 'why' I ask why. 

I Believe This Is The Same Concept For People As Well.

"In classical Chinese philosophy there are two contrary principles, the bright yang and the dark yin. Of these it is said that always when one principle reaches the height of its power, the counter-principle is stirring within it like a germ. This is another, particularly graphic formulation of the psychological law of compensation by an inner opposite. Whenever a civilization reaches its highest point, sooner or later a period of decay sets in. But the apparently meaningless and hopeless collapse into a disorder without aim or purpose, which fills the onlookers with disgust and despair, nevertheless contains within its darkness the germ of a new light."

by Carl Jung | Artwork by PhotoAllegory of Sarolta Bán

Music. Have I Talked About Music Yet? No?

I think music is the only other thing besides anger, pain and love that universally can be related to; even animals react to it. I have an eclectic list of music on my Spotify. I listen to everything except like polka and that kind of thing. I can't do classic or anything with certain pitches due to my sensory issues and well, P. He pretty much ruined any chance of me being able to ever even tolerate it but it's no real loss. I'm fine with it. LOL! 

So, here is my Spotify list. What do you listen to? What makes YOU bounce? What makes you all aggressive? What makes you cry? What songs are the Polaroids of your life? No one comments and damn it I want to KNOW! I REALLY DO! <3 No judgement. Promise.