Sunday, January 19, 2014
Right The Fuck In The Middle: I'd Say 20/75/5
This makes perfect sense. I have ALWAYS had a creative block.
I can write and draw but not on demand, at least not well. I have never been able to unlock the door to full creative expression though, but now I can see why. I also understand why I was so attached to D. He was probably 5/45/50. So, he was a person who showed big wise and big creative/emotion and I REALLY wanted to connect with someone who could show me the way to that place. Unfortunately, the emotionally obsessed are also incredibly lazy when it comes to any kind of personal work and growth. They think that if they have taken a step forward that they should get applause and kudos and crap for doing one thing that many others do, and often daily, without anyone even noticing much less showering them with affirmation. You have to learn to maneuver this life without affirmation. In most cases when you get it it will be from a person attempting to manipulate you, so if you can find a way to love yourself enough to know that you do work very hard (and actually do that, not spew bullshit to yourself and others that you do it when you know damn well you do NOTHING to actually grow or change or learn) at being a truly deeply good person, then you really never NEED affirmation bad enough to go crawling around for it. This is why I take such great offense when someone thinks I actually want them to tell me their judgements of my appearance and such. Did I ask you? HELL NO. Did you ever wonder why? Probably not, because that would mean looking beyond YOU and your intention revolving around the situation. I don't ask because I don't care and I don't care because everyone has an opinion much like the assholes analogy. <They all stink.> IF I ask you though, I have gifted you with the knowledge that a) I trust you enough to take the risk, and b) your opinion will matter to me. No questioning my motive for asking. No 'chick' games for attention or a reason to start a fight. Just go old plain truth. Shocking. I know. And guess what? So far, not a single solitary man has EVER, not once, seen the fucking beauty in that. They all think it is a game plan. They all accused me of lying, cheating, manipulating, etc. and then they all did exactly what they accused me of. WEAK MOTHERFUCKERS. HOW SAD IS THAT?