THE CRIBS - "Be Safe"

THE CRIBS - "Be Safe"

One of those fucking awful black days
When nothing is pleasing and everything that happens
Is an excuse for anger
An outlet for emotions stockpiled, an arsenal, an armour

These are the days when I hate the world
Hate the rich, hate the happy
Hate the complacent, the TV watchers
Beer drinkers, the satisfied ones

Because I know I can be all of those little hateful things
And then I hate myself for realizing that
There's no preventative, directive or safe approach for living
We each know our own fate

We know from our youth how to be treated
How we'll be received, how we shall end
These things don't change

You can change your clothes
Change your hairstyle, your friends, cities, continents
But sooner or later your own self will always catch up
Always it waits in the wings

Ideas swirl but don't stick
They appear but then run off like rain on the windshield

One of those rainy day car rides, my head implodes
The atmosphere in this car, a mirror of my skull
Wet, damp, windows dripping and misted with cold
Walls of grey, nothing good on the radio, not a thought in my head

I know a place we can go where you'll fall in love so hard that
You'll wish you were dead

Let's take life and slow it down incredibly slow
Frame by frame
With two minutes that take ten years to live out
Yeah, let's do that

Telephone poles like praying mantis against the sky
Metal arms outstretched
So much land travelled, so little sense made of it
It doesn't mean a thing, all this land laid out behind us

I'd like to take off into these woods and get good and lost for a while
I'm disgusted with petty concerns
Parking tickets, breakfast specials
Does someone just have to carry this weight?

Abstract typography, methane covenant
Linear gospel, Nashville sales lady, stocky emissary
Torturous lice, mad Elizabeth
Chemotherapy bullshit

I know a place we can go where you'll fall in love so hard that
You'll wish you were dead

The light within you shines like a diamond mine
Like an unarmed walrus, like a dead man face down on the highway
Like a snake eating its own tail
A steam turbine, frog pond

Two full closets burst open in disarray, soap bubbles in the sun
Hospital death bed, red convertible, shopping list, blowjob
Deaths head, devils dancing, bleached white buildings, memory
Movements, the movie unpeeling, unreeling, about to begin

I know a place we can go where you'll fall in love so hard that
You'll wish you were dead

I've seen your hallway, you're a darn call away
I've hear your stairs creak, I can fix my mind on your yes
And your no, I'll film your face today in the sparkling canals
All red, yellow, blue, green brilliance and silver Dutch reflection

Racing thoughts, racing thoughts, all too real
You're moving so fast now, I can't hold your image
This image I have of your face by the window
Me standing beside you, arm on your shoulder
A catalogue of images, flashing glimpses, then gone again

I'm tethered to this post you've sunk in me
And every clear afternoon now I'll think of you, up in the air
Twisting your heel, your knees up around me, my face in your hair
You scream so well, your smile so loud, it still rings in my ears

I know a place we can go where you'll fall in love so hard that
You'll wish you were dead

Inhibition, distant, tired of longing
Clean my teeth, stay the course
Hold the wheel, steer on to freedom
Open all the boxes, open all the boxes
Open all the boxes, open all the boxes

Times Square midday, newspaper buildings, news headlines going around
You watch as they go and hope for some good ones
Those tree shadows in the park they're all whispering, chasing leaves

Around six PM, shadows across the cobblestones
Girl in front of bathroom mirror
As she slowly and carefully and paints her face green, mask-like
Like Matisse, "Portrait with Green Stripe"

Long shot through apartment window
A monologue on top but no girl in shot

The light within me shines like a diamond mine
Like an unarmed walrus, like a dead man face down on the highway
Like a snake eating its own tail
A steam turbine, frog pond

Two full closets burst open in disarray, soap bubbles in the sun
Hospital death bed, red convertible, shopping list, blowjob
Deaths head, devils dancing, bleached white buildings, memory
Movements, the movie unreeling, about to begin

That was great by me
Yeah? Mine were alright. Wasn't my best one but who cares?
That's the spirit

Ka is a wheel

“Ka is a wheel; its one purpose is to turn. The spin of ka always brings us back to the same place, to face and reface our mistakes and defeats until we can learn from them. When we learn from the past, the wheel continues to move forward, towards growth and evolution. When we don’t, the wheel spins backward, and we are given another chance. If once more we squander the opportunity, the wheel continues its rotation towards devolution, or destruction.” -Stephen King

I'm making Ka beads with my freebies!

 Evil Eye beads next! 

Kae Sun - Ship And The Globe - My Death Song (I think)

My death song. 

I hear this non-stop in my sleep. 

I wake up to it. 

It's background music in my dreams. 

It makes me happy and sad, yet it's comforting. 

So, I'm thinkin' it's 'the song.' 

This video is from the K-Drama I love the most and stars my dream crush, Jo In Sung, who is the Asian version of a man I loved but lost touch with about 16 years ago. Oddly his name was Joe too and the water skiing scene is like actually seeing him again for me, which is really nice. 

Since watching these foreign shows and movies is truly what has kept me alive and gotten me through each fucking soul killing minute of the last year or so, it seemed appropriate to use this video rather than the artists video, which for me personally, loses a lot without the connections this one has. Since this blog is basically a diary at this point, for my kids to read someday if they really want to know the ugly bits and pieces; I figured it was important to share more than my pleadings and pain, disappointment, anger and fear, mental break downs, epiphanies, and basic spiral into insanity. This is actually sharing something more personal to me.That may sound crazy but all the ugly painful stuff and soul crushing crap is just my life now. It doesn't at all seem intimate anymore. And since I have pleaded from the mountaintops to the ends of the earth and lost all pride and dignity ages ago, to no avail, I might add, they've all become nothing more than the droning of my minds desperation. 

I wonder what happened to Joe? Too bad he has the absolute most basic of Hispanic names, Jose Luis Garcia. I mean, come ooooon! LOL! And my own name at the time being Michele Powell is a Google search joke! We'd never find one another, even with all today's technology. I can't even remember his birthday, but he was a Gemini and it was in June or July 1967-1970 (somewhere in there). We lived in Vista in North County San Diego and he had a son named Taylor (Tyler? No, Taylor) who would be somewhere around 21 now. Sonja (Sonia?) was Taylor's mom but she moved out of state with him around 2000 I believe. Anyway, we worked at Albertsons together for awhile in Vista, then he worked for a moving company in Oceanside. Graebel movers? Anyway, I always wonder how he is and how Taylor grew up. I hope they are well and happy.

I'd kill to be back in that time slot of 1997 or so. I've pretty much pin-pointed the shifting of my life from normal-ish manageable chaos to slowly working up momentum and spiraling out of control chaos, to mid 1997. Right before my back injury, and meeting my last husband, trading in my car, losing my job, losing my house, moving on base... and meeting P. and his then crazy ass cheating wife who ended up not being as crazy as everyone thought as I now know in spades. 

See people, this is why character is so important. You can't sleep with 3 men at one time (excluding the husband) and then cry wolf to people about how your husband is not what he seems. God damn it if I had just known better though... We have our whole life to redeem ourselves for our bad doings but we can't ever go back and make it right, and that sucks. I know from experience on both sides of the moral coin. I'm not embarrassed to admit that. I learned a lot from my mistakes and that is the best kind of redemption; to learn enough to not do it again. In fact, I learned too much and took too much to heart and carried way too much guilt. It's a huge reason why I stayed by P.'s side for 14 years and another year under the same roof making sure all his bills got paid and crap, like a good little wifey. All while getting the joys of listening to him fuck his cheating (on her husband) girlfriend in my old bed and walking in on them not once but twice having oral sex in my living-room... gawd, can't you just hear the howling of my dying dignity?? You'd be amazed what people can put up with to keep a roof over their kids head or their own head.

Sigh...

That went a bit off course. 

O.K.

WAY OFF COURSE.

So here is the video and song.

BTW, It isn't as morbid as you might think to have a death song. Something comforting to listen to on the way out? How is that a bad thing? 

Gilbert O'Sullivan - Alone Again (original version)

I had no idea this song was about the things it expresses. How many decades has this played in elevators, casinos, sad hole-in-the-wall bars, airports and on and on???? 

Life is disappointing. People are disappointing. Naturally.

Alone Again (naturally) Lyrics

"Alone Again (naturally)" was written by O'sullivan, Gilbert.

In a little while from now

If I'm not feeling any less sour

I promised myself to treat myself

And visit a nearby tower

And climbing to the top

Will throw myself off

In an effort to make it clear to who

Ever what it's like when you're shattered

Left standing in the lurch, at a church

Where people are saying

My God that's tough, she stood him up

No point in us remaining

May as well go home

As I did on my own

Alone again, naturally

To think that only yesterday

I was cheerful, bright and gay

Looking forward to, but who wouldn't do

The role I was about to play

But as if to knock me down

Reality came around

And without so much as a mere touch

Cut me into little pieces

Leaving me to doubt

Talk about God and His mercy

For if He really does exist

Why did He desert me

In my hour of need?

I truly am indeed

Alone again, naturally

It seems to me that

There are more hearts

Broken in the world

That can't be mended

Left unattended

What do we do? What do we do?

Alone again naturally

Now looking back over the years

And what ever else that appears

I remember I cried when my father died

Never wishing to hide the tears

And at sixty five years old

My mother, God rest her soul

Couldn't understand, why the only man

She had ever loved had been taken

Leaving her to start with a heart

So badly broken

Despite encouragement from me

No words were ever spoken

And when she passed away

I cried and cried all day

Alone again, naturally

Alone again, naturally

Songwriters

O'Sullivan, Gilbert

Published by

Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Read more: Gilbert Osullivan - Alone Again (naturally) Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

Hey Girl! Where You Hidin'?

I do so miss her but I'd like to be a mix of her with the knowledge I have gained.

I saw this in a FB post and it was pretty spot-on.

On the Rare Better Days...

"Last Hope"- PARAMORE

I don't even know myself at all
I thought I would be happy by now
The more I try to push it
I realize – gotta let go of control

Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
So let it happen

It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
And when it's dark out, no one's around
It keeps glowing

Every night I try my best to dream
Tomorrow makes it better
Then I wake up to the cold reality
And not a thing is changed

But it will happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen

It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
And when it's dark out, no one's around
It keeps glowing

It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
And when it's dark out, no one's around
It keeps glowing

And the salt in my wounds isn't burning anymore than it used to
It's not that I don't feel the pain, it's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore
And the blood in these veins isn't pumping any less than it ever has
And that's the hope I have, the only thing I know that's keeping me alive

Alive

Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen

Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen
Gotta let it happen

It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
(So if I let go of control now, I can be strong)
And when it's dark out, no one's around
It keeps glowing

It's just a spark
But it's enough to keep me going
(So if I keep my eyes closed, with the blind hope)
And when it's dark out, no one's around
It keeps glowing

Ahhh
Ahhh
Ahhh
Ahhh

Ohhh
Ohhh

Kelly Clarkson - Because Of You

THANKS MOM... AND DAD.....

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

The Marmalade - Reflections Of My Life

The changing of sunlight to moonlight
Reflections of my life
Oh how they fill my eyes

The greetings of people in trouble
Reflections of my life
Oh how they fill my eyes


Oh my sorrows
Sad tomorrows
Take me back to my own home


Oh my crying (Oh my crying)
Feel I'm dying, dying
Take me back
To my own home


I'm changing, arranging,
I'm changing,
I'm changing everything
Everything around me


The world is
A bad place
A bad place
A terrible place to live
Oh but I don't wanna die ...

Looking glass - Brandi you're a fine girl

Manfred Mann - Blinded by the Light

Lyrics for Aaron Evans Featuring Generik- We All Work Enjoy!

"We all work, we all struggle,
we all bend our backs backward trying not to burst the bubble.
We all pray, we all hustle,
throwing set after set try'n to rep with some muscle.
We all trip, we all stumble, 

we all have to rebuild from the ashes and rubble.
So be brave, yet be humble,
and keep sight of the light at the end of the tunnel.

If every two steps forward, you take one step back,
you're still one step further, than where you were at.
See progress is a process of inches not miles,
so quickly cut your losses and remember to smile.
Believe me, I never said it'd be easy,
but every mighty oak started out as a seedling.
Searching for nourishment purpose and meaning,
breaking out of boxes accepting no ceiling.
See the worlds on your back, 

and you don't feel like atlas,
but perfection takes time,
remember to practice.
Crawl, before you walk, walk before you run,

strengthen your wings if setting course for the sun.
See you'll have to be patient,
learn not to jump the gun.
Learn the life that you've lived,
and the life that's to come.
Yeah I dream of a day we can play and have fun,
but I won't stop fighting till the battle is won.

"We all work, we all struggle,
we all bend our backs backward trying not to burst the bubble.
We all pray, we all hustle,
throwing set after set try'n to rep with some muscle.
We all trip, we all stumble,

we all have to rebuild from the ashes and rubble.
So be brave, yet be humble,
and keep sight of the light at the end of the tunnel.

We'll you tried pinching pennies, but they kept pinching back,
so your nest eggs red, when once it was black (*edit, no ones perfect.)
Plus your tuning fork broke, and a new one ain't free,
but sometimes the best songs are sung out of key.
See credit ain't accepted where moments are priceless,
but a sense of adventure, more than suffices.
Trust me, dude I've gone hungry,
sang in the rain till my tin cup was rusty.
But sometimes in life you just have to keep breathing, 

catch carpediem, look for deeper meaning.
Pick yourself up, brush off your shoulders,
focus on focus, remember the lotus.
Find Zen within, the wall crashing in,
sometimes forest burn so new life can begin.
But you'll have to be brave, and you'll have to be humble, 

but you'll get to the light at the end of the tunnel!

"We all work, we all struggle,
we all bend our backs backward trying not to burst the bubble.
We all pray, we all hustle,
throwing set after set try'n to rep with some muscle.
We all trip, we all stumble,

we all have to rebuild from the ashes and rubble.
But be brave, yet be humble,

and keep sight of the light at the end of the tunnel."

Shine on...

A.E. 

Aaron Evans Feat. Generik - "We All Work" - A Trolley Show

Music. Have I Talked About Music Yet? No?

I think music is the only other thing besides anger, pain and love that universally can be related to; even animals react to it. I have an eclectic list of music on my Spotify. I listen to everything except like polka and that kind of thing. I can't do classic or anything with certain pitches due to my sensory issues and well, P. He pretty much ruined any chance of me being able to ever even tolerate it but it's no real loss. I'm fine with it. LOL! 

So, here is my Spotify list. What do you listen to? What makes YOU bounce? What makes you all aggressive? What makes you cry? What songs are the Polaroids of your life? No one comments and damn it I want to KNOW! I REALLY DO! <3 No judgement. Promise. 

My Only Regret? I Didn't $%#& You at Least Once. (Maroon 5 - One More Night)

YEAH, I JUST SAID THAT.

Tegan And Sara - Goodbye, Goodbye- D

Goodbye, I don’t wanna feel the need to hear your voice.
Goodbye, I don’t wanna feel the need to see your face.

(Pre-Chorus)
I can’t live with all these things I would say.
I can’t live with all these things that I’d say.

(Chorus)
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye,
Let the first time.
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye,
Let the first time.
You never really knew me, never ever,Never ever saw me, saw me like they did.
You never really loved me, never really,Never really loved me, loved me like they did.

(Verse)
Waste some time, I might wanna see the way that you’ve changed
Waste some time, I might wanna see how you’ve been, what you came to play.

(Pre-Chorus)
I can’t stand it, all these things I’ve let go,
I can’t stand it, all these things I’ve let go.

(Chorus)
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye,
Let the first time.
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye,
Let the first time.
You never really knew me, never ever,
Never ever saw me, saw me like they did.
You never really loved me, never really,
Never really loved me, loved me like they did.

(Bridge)
You could have told me goodbye,
You could have told me goodbye,
You let me try, no, there is
Nothing I can do to change you.
You could have warned me,
Now there’s nothing I can do to change you.
(Chorus)
You never really knew me, never ever,
Never ever saw me, saw me like they did.
You never really loved me, never really,
Never really loved me, loved me like they did.
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye,
Let the first time.
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye,
Let the first time.
You never really knew me, never ever,
Never ever saw me, saw me like they did.
You never really loved me, never really,
Never really loved me, loved me like they did.

Tegan And Sara - Call It Off (Video)- For D

I won't regret saying this 
This thing 
That I'm saying 
Is it better than 
Keeping my mouth shut 
That goes without saying 
Call, break it off 
Call, break my own heart 
Maybe I would have been 
Something you'd be good at 
Maybe you would have been 
Something I'd be good at 
But now we'll never know 
I won't be sad 
But in case 
I'll go there 
Everyday, 
To make myself feel bad 
There's a chance 
I'll start to wonder 
If this was the thing to do 
I won't be out long 
But I still think it better if 
You take your time 
Coming over here 
I think that's for the best 
Call, break it off 
Call, break my own heart 
Maybe I would have been 
Something you'd be good at 
Maybe you would have been 
Something I'd be good at 
But now 
We'll never know 
I won't be sad 
But in case 
I'll go there 
Everyday, 
To make myself feel bad 
There's a chance 
I'll start to wonder 
If this was the thing to do 
I'll start to wonder 
If this was the thing to do

Tyler James - Worry About You Lyrics 2013

I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

Tesla - Love Song (+playlist)

Games People Play

Lyrics | Alan Parsons Project lyrics - Games People Play lyrics

Songwriters: PARSONS, ALAN / WOOLFSON, ERIC Where do we go from here now that all other children are growin' up And how do we spend our lives if there's no one to lend us a hand I don't wanna live here no more, I don't wanna stay Ain't gonna spend the rest of my life, Quietly fading away Games people play, You take it or you leave it Things that they say, Honor Brite If I promise you the Moon and the Stars, Would you believe it Games people play in the middle of the night Where do we go from here now that all of the children have grown up And how do we spend our time knowin' nobody gives us a damn I don't wanna live here no more, I don't wanna stay Ain't gonna spend the rest of my life, Quietly fading away Games people play, You take it or you leave it Things that they say, Just don't make it right If I'm telling you the truth right now, do you believe it Games people play in the middle of the night Games people play, You take it or you leave it Things that they say, Honor Brite If I promise you the Moon and the Stars, Would you believe it Games people play in the middle of the night Games people play, You take it or you leave it Things that they say, Just don't make it right If I'm tellin' you the truth right now, do you believe it Games people play in the middle of the night

Andria by La Dispute (w/ lyrics)