1. Caps lock on EVERY DAMN TIME
2. Taking Ibuprofen for the kidney pain
3. Eating MORE because you are already bound up and for some reason it's the only thing that works at forcing that shit out... ew.
4. Getting 10x's the anxiety after the anxiety meds wear off. Every. Fucking. Time.
5. Waiting years for health care coverage that can be used somewhere closer than the 60 mile round trip drive to the one place that what you currently had could be used, only to find yourself NOW with coverage you can use anywhere, but now you are car-less and live a 70 mile round trip from the closest medical facility that can administer all the the tests you were suppose to have gotten three months ago... oh and the $25 in gas it would take to get there now is more money than you have for living for 2 people as well. FML.
6. Paying your only credit card bills minimum payment so that you can use that available credit to PayPal your kid enough money to pay HIS minimum credit card payment. Look at me working that $35!
7. Losing my food stamps because my college was shut down for Winter break when the cunt from social services suddenly demanded paperwork from them due BEFORE they would be back and open again
8. Getting an email 5 days before classes start stating that I have had my financial aid pulled, immediately, because the college didn't follow their own protocol:
Taken directly from my colleges Q&A website:
Does XXschool nameXX warn a student nearing the maximum unit timeframe?
Students will receive a warning letter once they have completed 60 units for an AA/AS degree and 24 units for an eligible Certificate program
This does not effect a student’s eligibility to receive financial aid <<<<< Uh, NOPE. NEVER GOT THAT LETTER, OR EMAIL, OR WARNING OR ANYTHING MOTHERFUCKER!
9. Not paying a car payment to save some other assholes car from being repo'd and having the repo man show up on MY BIRTHDAY to take my beloved car away...
10. Paying to file bankruptcy and having THE BANKRUPTCY LAWYER file bankruptcy BEFORE filing my paperwork, therefore stealing my money and fucking me hard all at the same god damn time.
11. Not visiting my mother in the rural area she lives in because my car was too unstable to risk it, then driving it up to borrow her truck (@8 miles a gallon) to move and finding upon getting back that my car has literally DIED right where I parked it.
12. ASKING, no INQUIRING (actual word used) about how best to go about canceling the car insurance I can't afford to pay anymore on the car that does not run now, and having the customer service asswipe CHOOSE FOR ME, to go ahead and cancel it at a cost of one and a half times that actual cost of the insurance premium AND....
13. Two days after the customer service cunt canceled my auto insurance and billed me MORE than the premium without my consent, my moms friend finally showed up to look at my car and with a tiny tweek by replacing a fuse, my car started right the fuck up. Now it is uninsured, 2 years behind in registration, won't pass smog, BUT IT RUNS. And I can't fucking drive it.
14. Getting not one BUT TWO STD's from men I was horribly loyal to AND having both of them LIFE LONG YOU CAN'T CURE THEM versions. AND...
15. Neither of these STD's is normally life threatening as almost EVERYONE will get both and one of them is guaranteed to be in a minimum of 80% of the population but most of those peoples bodies will fight it easily and it doesn't do any real damage, but I got to be the rare small percentage, that was not only already at high risk but whose body did not fight it and who had no idea she was exposed to it because 13 years of being faithful meant thinking the other person was being faithful as well... STUPID FUCKING DUMB ASS CUNT that I was. He wasn't and I didn't know I was being devoured by some nasty ass STD. I thought I was just having more chick problems since I had been plagued with them for so long. But no. No. Now I have been carrying the threat of cervical cancer, let me repeat that because ALL CERVICAL CANCER is caused by this awesome STD, and I can't get to the places I need to go to get the labs and tests and shit done because of #'s 5 and 12. IT IS AWESOME. Yeah, I am pretty sure that putting on a fucking happy face and thinking positive is REALLY going to alter the fucking waste of a life I am finding myself amidst of.... Most likely I will however, find myself in prison for cutting the next bitch who tells me to "smile, it'll get better" FUCK YOU. I only hope that when I blow it I am in front of the ex, whose level on condescending bullshit has truly tested my INSANE level of patience and kindness to remarkable and unmeasurable levels.
I can't imagine taking anyones life except to save someone elses, but I can imagine looking into that god damn face of his and hearing those mother fucking words, yet again, AND FUCKING LOSING TIME. GOING BLACK. The last time he did it I literally had to grab something solid to remind myself that I am worth more than life in prison for killing this fucking lying asshole who has the balls to look me in the eye and say this shit but didn't have the balls to leave before DESTROYING my life and my health. People like that should be put away. Seriously. He took my health and he purposely put it at risk. Why should he not pay for possibly killing me? Why?
There is so much more but now I am just so angry at myself for being me and being faithful and being a person with empathy and love that I have to disconnect. I have to calm down, plus my teeth are on fire...
More to come though. Murphy and I have been knocking horns for many decades...