Tuesday, December 17, 2013

What A Week.

Well rural life is kicking my ass. It isn't so much where I am but the circumstances around me. In 1 week I have:
Been blamed for my mothers lost dentures. They have not been found.
Been blamed for $100 increase in the electricity bill, although we had only been here 48 hours and didn't even have a tv set up yet.
My car died the day we got here and it is looking like the starter may be the issue, but I have about $30 to my name for the next 4-6 weeks.
I dropped a lamp on the night of the second day here and blew out the fuse for my room and the bathroom, so I have no electricity in my room and am using an extension cord for my laptop which brings me to...
I have been 'set straight' that my laptop is an energy hog (LOL) even though I can prove it is just pennies a day to have plugged in.
I am basically wrong about anything and everything you can imagine and if I do exactly as I am told I am still wrong or at fault.
I was super lucky in that yesterday I was given the task to take my moms cat to the vet to be put down. This is the animal loved way above me, which is fine as I have dealt with that many years ago, but now it is non-stop crying every time I get cornered in this house and I just want to shoot myself to make it stop. The cat had been suffering for almost a year and it was so cruel to let her suffer for so long in the first place... I get it but morn like a normal person. Go to bed for a few days and cry and eat and watch bad television or something. My gawd it was difficult enough before this. My son goes out and sits in my broken down car to escape since we are stuck here all day every day now. It sucks.
I can't make any money since I can't use my printer and I need it to sell stuff on Ebay to survive...
What a great end to a absofuckinglutely suck ass year. Wait, May was good. I had one good month.

I'm freezing. My sinuses are in hell. My skin is dry and I have aged 10 years in a month. I  look HORRIBLE. I feel like shit and I don't have a fucking clue how to begin to remedy anything. There is just too much shit and I am lonely as well. You would think the universe would give me something good in all this shit. My son is something good but on the same token he is suffering as well which makes me feel like a horrible mom. I can't find the good in all this. Seriously. If another person tells me to be positive or to look for the good I might just gutta bitch. Sometimes, and I know this is tough for those that like to live in fantasy-land, but sometimes, shit is shit. Period. No matter how much you stir the shit it isn't going to start to smell like roses.

As for our 3rd non existent Christmas in a row... I don't even know how to feel about it anymore. 

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