Thursday, December 19, 2013

YES, I HAVE HIT THE NEWEST LOW OF BEGGING FOR DONATIONS TO SURVIVE. AWESOME.

I can not believe how poor I am at the moment! I have used Ebay to keep me going in the past but with this move I have been unable to do my normal posting and such and it ended up costing us a small fortune to get up here as well. I have roughly $12 for the next 6 weeks! WTF??? I can't remember the last time I was THIS poor with absolutely no other options. In fact, I am pretty sure I have never been this bad off. Back in the day if things got really brutal I could go to my grandfather, but he passed away 18 years ago! This is bad. It takes $25 in gas just to go to the grocery store in the nearest town as well.
It is moments like this that I can truly tap into my disgust at my ex and at myself. I hope I am never, ever the loyal fool that I was in the past. I hope I never place another person, beyond my children, before myself. If I can't learn at least this much from all this then I am truly a lost cause. IT DOES NOT PAY, IN ANY FORM, TO BE THE ROCK OR CHEERLEADER TO ANOTHER'S LACK OF SELF-WORTH, DRIVE TO LEARN, CHANGE OR MOVE FORWARD. You just find yourself empty. Depleted of anything at all the resembles the strength and energy to fix your own life now that you have ignored it right into the black hole of hell. These people NEVER EVER appreciate or recognize anything at all that you have done for them. They will look you in the eye and flat out deny every single thing you have ever bled to give them. They are truly blind and ignorant. They believe themselves. It is the strangest phenomenon to watch somebody look hard evidence in the eye and still hear them deny it and fight to the death to try to make you believe their illusion as well.
One of my friends suggested I start a funding page. It's a great idea in theory, but in reality, unless I am dying from some horrible rare disease, there is little to no chance of having contributors. I am sure my sob story, however tragic and never-ending it may be, will not warm the cockles of anyone with some cash to spare inspiring them to contribute. I figure if my friends and family could turn their backs on me KNOWING the reality of my plight, then strangers will have no problem doing the same with far less proof of my claims.
I can't even pimp myself out. I guess I should be glad for that, but there are those moments...

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