Tuesday, January 27, 2015

A Thought or Apiphany

It has just occurred to me that in all this time, these past near three years now, that I have never dreamed of the obvious. I mean, in the beginning I yelled a lot at P and his girlfriend and I saw J a few times but mostly I dream about nothing of reality.

I never dream about money or a home or even my kids, I don't dream about sex, I do however dream about small kisses once in awhile though.

A few nights ago though I dreamed of two things two nights in a row. First I dreamed of a friend morphed with Ethan Hawke, whose brain I adore (and he isn't too hard on the eyes either), and we did a great deal of just talking. It was lovely. Second dream, I was just wrapped tightly around this boy absorbing the feel of his body heat and skin. Basking in it. It was amazing. These are the things I truly yearn for. I need money and what it can buy, like food and transportation but I yearn for connection.

I dream about human connection. The feel of flesh. The connection of minds. I dream about being viable to someone. I dream about being seen as a real live person with feelings and thoughts that matter. I dream about not being used or abused or shunned.

It's funny how dreams sift through the materialistic shit and leave you with the core of your needs to face.

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