Friday, June 20, 2014

WTF Has Happened To Family?

My son has 9 aunts and uncles. NINE. How is it even possible that we can't find one person to extend a hand to us or just him? His father is dead and I have been fully responsible for him for 26 years. No child support. No weekends off. Nothing, and I wouldn't change that, but right now I need to get my son a place away from here and not a single person has extended a hand. Not for me and not for him. Now, that is not to say that a few amazing people have not sent a bit of money so we didn't starve back in January/February, but that has been it. Unfortunately, we need more help than that.
Now here is the real bitch. If I don't get him out of here then he will be the person who finds my dead body. I have considered committing myself, but I can't leave him here to starve with my mother and her insanity. He can't even drive. I can only hold on so long. I have no real desire to die but I must get away from the poison because the poison makes my mind say, "Do it. End it. Do it now or keep suffering." I'm not sure how many people truly understand the emotional and verbal abuse of a parent, particularly the mother. It is nothing like the abuse of any other person. A parent hits every single weak spot a child has. After all, they were the ones who created those holes in their childs soul in the first place. And in my case, I have not done anything to create this illogical animosity towards me. I was a pretty damn great child and teen. I never was in trouble for my own actions, although all through school I was truant due to my inability to get to school based on my parents drug abuse and fighting and tearing out the wiring on the car to avoid escape and such. I didn't do drugs, get pregnant, drink (although I tried but it wasn't for me), steal, etc. I continue to be that same person. In the 6 months we have been here I have not borrowed a penny, stolen, eaten her food, brought a single guest over, used any other part of her house except the kitchen possibly 10 times and one load of laundry a week. Two if it was longer between loads. I have given here every extra dime I have had, which granted hasn't been much but for us it has been loads. She spent a year and a half living with us, running our utilities up, causing horrible relationship strife, neighbor feuds that led to weekly visits from the county housing and codes guy, and on and on and yet she thinks she owes me nothing and that the disaster of my life these past two years was somehow created to hurt HER. To make HER suffer. To ruin HER life. WTF?
She hasn't acknowledged my pain or loss in any way whatsoever. I lost EVERYTHING. Emotionally, materialistically, dignity, physically I have suffered more than she could imagine, yet it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with her.
So this went a bit off topic, which was getting my son somewhere safe and comfortable so I can go try to save my life, but it helps to clarify why I am in this state of mind. So there ya go...
Anyway, 9 aunts and uncles. NINE. 

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