Tuesday, September 9, 2014

What we need to face to save the human race in today's climate.

There are a lot of depression stories being written these days, which is great but the one thing I see is that near all of them blame addiction and or mental instability on its cause. At what point will they begin to write about the depression created when all hope is lost? When the struggle to survive in a world full of selfish ignorant people is killing the souls of so many? When it is our surroundings and the lack of support from friends, family, the system that is leaving some of us with the desire to just stop suffering, which equates to battling depression NOT caused by addiction or mental illness. WHEN? It needs to begin now. We can't wait decades for people to wake up and address this issue for more than a mental health and addiction issue and we need options. I don't WANT to die, but I want the pain and suffering to end because there will be no hand to come help pull me up and out. So what is the point? When food is beyond reach and you haven't felt a human touch in ages and no matter how vocal you are or how quiet you are, no one notices how real the situation is for you then escaping it is all that is left. But the disappointment in humanity is by far the most painful thing to face.

There has been help. Bits and pieces that sustain for a few days, but imagine suffering from severe dehydration and only being offered a drop of water each hour, and only when you do something humiliating or degrading. Imagine how if you could just get a cup an hour or a jug a day how you would have a chance to regain strength rather than just sustaining the suffering. You would be grateful for that drop within reason but you can only ride that for so long, eventually you all about the reality and how to make it end. 

This is like why I cut. When I can't breathe anymore. When the rattle in my chest makes my entire being tremble. When all I hear is end it, I cut, because it is like suffocating with a plastic bag over ones head. In that last few moment of total panic and then you or someone cuts a hole in the bag. That is what cutting does. It sends that whoosh of oxygen that feeds the brain and begins to calm everything else. 

So, there is my share of the day, or so far. Maybe it will help someone else understand someone they couldn't relate to originally. Maybe not. I'm sharing it anyway. I want to leave something even if some people call it 'playing the victim.' They can go fuck themselves. They should go look in the mirror. They should stop pointing and shouting and start observing, quietly. You learn so much when you shut up and watch. <3

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