Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Desperation, Doubt and Dreaming

Do you know what I dreamed about? I went back to live with P and K (the girlfriend). I was basically their maid/servant and although I twitched when I was being told what to do, I was happy to be there and not here anymore... If that doesn't say anything to anyone then I know it isn't worth trying. LOL. I'd go back too. I'd take that kind of belittlement to have freedom and access to hope. In a heartbeat. I know I must be nearing the end of this life because I don't dream about these kinds of things, but I am, so that means something. Like, I am losing touch with reality. Like, my mind is finally cracking irreparably. Like, soon I won't care which place I am committed into because I won't know otherwise anymore. It will also mean that mental health is not about chemical imbalances but the imbalances of the environments that we find ourselves stuck in and their affects on our psyche' and nervous system. I wonder why there is always such a push for meds rather than a push to alter the environments by helping with that rather than paying a fortune for meds that end up causing so much harm in other areas as well. Surely creating a kind hopeful environment would create better and longer lasting results for people like myself. Blah blah blah. No one cares and no one is listening or hearing or giving a fuck... 

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